Progress
by 0000x0000
Summary: Just when Silver thinks she's got it under control, Jackie passes away. Kelly is fearful of how her sister might react. Is she truly fine or is she headed for a downward spiral no one saw coming? WARNING: Attempted Suicide!


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own anything to do with 90210 and/or its characters. This is purely fictitious.

**Notes:** One-shot.

****WARNING:**** Attempted suicide; I've **bolded** the suicide part. It's not extremely graphic, but graphic enough, Read at own risk.

**Summary:** Silver is overwhelmed with taking care of her cancer-stricken mother. Just when she thinks she's got it under control, Jackie passes away. Kelly is fearful of how her sister might react, but its shocked when Silver takes the news rather well. Is Silver truly getting over her mother's passing or is she headed for a downward spiral no one saw coming?

**Progress**

_Progress._ The word circled her brain as she walked through the halls of the hospital to the parking lot. It was the key word in every therapy session, the praise from her sister and looks in everyone's faces. She had a hard time believing them; however it wasn't always like that. The first time someone used the word progress with her, she actually believed them, but not now. Now she felt herself slipping. Where did she go wrong?

* * *

Erin Silver sat in the media room at lunch. She played with her pen, pressing the top of it, listening intently to the clicking noise it was making. Navid Shirazi walked in. He eyed Silver in the corner. He rolled his eyes. She was supposed to be writing a story for The Blaze and there she was wasting daylight.

"Silver?" She stared straight ahead. He tried again. "Silver? Earth to Silver!" He waved a hand in front of her face.

She jumped a little, "Oh, hey Navid. Sorry I was just--"

He cut her off, "Wasting time, I see that! Now come on! I need this story by one o'clock."

Silver looked up at the clock; half past noon. _Great_, she thought. Navid had left the room, leaving Silver alone again; alone with her thoughts. She stuffed the thoughts down and started to write the story. Once she finished she placed it in the editing bin. She had to admit it was written half-assed but she had more important things to be worrying about. She jumped up and grabbed her phone. She had forgotten to get a nurse for that night. She gathered her things and held her phone between her ear and her shoulder. A voice rang through. "Beverly Hills Home Care Agency, Jennifer speaking how may I help you."

"Uh, hi I need a nurse tonight for my mother."

"Patient's name?"

"Jackie Taylor." Silver rushed to her locker to put her things away. She frantically grabbed her books as the bell rang for her third period class. Kelly Taylor rounded the corner from the teacher's lounge and saw her sister still at her locker on the phone. She bit the inside of her cheek but walked over anyway.

"I'm sorry, but all of our hospice nurses are booked tonight."

"But I need one! There must be someway I can get a nurse!"

"I'm sorry Miss Silver."

"Ugh, it's fine." She hung up and threw her phone in her locker. She knew taking care of her dying mother would be hard, but she never anticipated this. Kelly stood next to her sister. "Hey, how're you holding up?"

Silver slammed the door of her locker. "Fine."

"I doubt that. You look exhausted!"

"Yeah, well in case you haven't noticed I have a lot going on right now." She hurried off towards her class. Kelly followed her continuing to speak whether she was listening or not.

"Look Silver I know you want to help mom, but I really think this is too much for you. What with all of the progress you've made, I'd hate to see you fall behind."

There it was; progress. She scoffed to herself as her sister spoke. She rolled her eyes and turned to face her glaring at her. "Well at least one of us cares enough to take it on!" She turned again and walked off. Kelly stood there watching as her sister stormed away.

* * *

"Erin is that you?" Jackie Taylor's voice sounded weak but still confident. Silver didn't mind it so much anymore that her mom called her 'Erin.' She walked into the living room where she saw her mother lying on the couch reading a magazine. Her wig perfectly set upon her head – she hated anyone seeing her without it.

"Hey mom, sorry I got stuck at schoo--"

"Can you please get me my medication?" She cut her off and held her hand out for her pills. Silver nodded and obediently grabbed her mother's medication off the end table. She placed to pills in Jackie's hand and gave her a glass of water. Jackie took the pills. "Thanks, baby." She said after she swallowed. She sat up slowly and patted the spot next to her, motioning for Silver to sit next to her. Silver sat down and crossed her legs underneath her.

"So how was your day?"

"Uhm, it was good," she lied. "Busy."

Jackie nodded with fake enthusiasm, she wanted so much to connect with her baby girl but she was exhausted. Silver noticed the tired look in her mother's eyes.

"Look mom, we don't have to do this." She stood up and held up a blanket. "Why don't you get some rest?" Jackie lied down and Silver covered her with a blanket.

"It's funny..." Jackie said.

"What is?"

"This." She gestured between the two of them. "I should be the one taking care of you."

Silver smiled sadly. "I know." She rested her hand on Jackie's arm. "Get some sleep." She walked up the stairs into her room and Jackie fell sound asleep. Silver sighed as she shut the door to her room. She leaned against the door and slid to the floor. She hugged her knees and cried.

* * *

Silver hurried into the school, she had been running late after having to wait for Jackie's nurse to show up. No one was in the hallways as class had already started. She ran to her locker and frantically grabbed her books. She slammed her locker door and rushed down the hall to her first period class. She turned the corner and nearly ran into Kelly.

"Hey, where were you? Why were you late?"

She kept walking. "Home, sorry. Gotta go."

Kelly grabbed her sister's arm gently but firm enough so she couldn't pull away. "Come with me."

"But--"

"Come with me!"

Silver gave in and she and Kelly walked to her office. "Have a seat." Silver sat in one of the chairs in front of Kelly's desk. Kelly frowned a little, usually when her and Silver had talks in her office Silver would sit in Kelly's desk chair, claiming it was "far more comfortable." She didn't point it out and simply leaned against the front of her desk, looking at Silver whose head was down.

"Silver." She didn't look up. "Sweetie look at me."

Silver lifted her head and looked at her sister.

"Look, I'm proud of you for wanting to help mom, I really am, and I'm sorry that she's sick bu--"

"Dying. She's dying." Silver said dryly.

"I'm sorry she is, but I need you, to understand where I'm coming from here." Before Silver could speak she said, "It's not that I don't care, it's not! I just know, how stressful this kind of situation is, and I can't imagine what it's like for you, but you know as well as I do, that this isn't the type of situation you should be involving yourself in."

"Why? Because I'm bipolar? That's not a good enough reason. Our mother has cancer and no matter how shitty she treated us, we can't turn our backs on her now."

Kelly stayed calm. "Sweetie, think about it. Do you honestly think that she would have contacted you at all if she hadn't seen you at Adrianna's AA meeting?"

Silver opened her mouth to protest, but stopped. She knew Kelly was right.

"She's known about this for a year. And in that year she didn't tell anyone. Not you, not me." She looked at Silver and saw her sapphire eyes sparkling from the incoming tears. She sat in the chair next to her and held her hand in hers. "I want you to do what you think is best for you. No matter how selfish that sounds, you need to do it." Silver brushed a tear from her cheek and nodded slightly at Kelly's comment. She pulled her sister in for a hug, hoping she wouldn't pull away. Silver hesitated then hugged Kelly back. "I'm sorry."

Kelly shook her head. "Me too" She held her by the shoulders gently and looked into her eyes. "Are we okay?"

Her mouth turned upwards slightly into a smile and she nodded. "We're okay."

Kelly smiled warmly. "Good."

Silver felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. The caller-id flashed Mom. She answered the phone and held it up to her ear. Kelly stood and went to her desk to write Silver a late slip. She looked up slightly and saw her sister's face turn to stone, her sapphire eyes shifting, yet staring straight ahead. She watched Silver listen intently on the phone then realized...._Oh no_. She thought. She put her pen down and stood next to Silver. It was a few moments before Silver said anything to the called on the phone. "Thank you." She hung up the phone and put it in her pocket. She continued to stare straight ahead.

"Silver? Silver!" Kelly knelt down in front of her. "Hey, what's going on?"

"M-mom...she uhm...S-she....She's dead?" She seemed to be convincing herself.

Kelly felt her eyes well up with tears, not just with the grief of her mother's passing, but the fear of what this would do to Silver.

* * *

"Morning!" Silver walked in the house, from her bedroom above Kelly's garage. It had been two weeks since their mother's passing and Kelly was very impressed with the way Silver had handled it. She went through the five stages of grief almost text book perfect. Kelly sipped her coffee as she watched Silver butter her toast and hum a little tune. Silver caught Kelly's gaze. "What?"

She smiled warmly. "Nothing. Just proud of you that's all."

She smiled a little and checked the time on the microwave. "Uhm I think I'm gonna hit school early. I'm gonna get caught up on some assignments."

"Okay." she smiled. "I'll see you later then."

Silver took her toast and walked out the front door. She sat on her MoPed and took a few deep breaths. Everyone had been saying how much progress she'd made through the grieving process of her mother. What everyone didn't know was that she had Googled the five stages of grief. She read each description and acted accordingly. Too bad none of the descriptions matched the way she truly felt. After calming herself down she turned on her MoPed and drove to the school.

* * *

**Silver walked through the hallways before her first class. She was actually happy to be back at school. She was excited to see Naomi and Adrianna again. But soon her excitement turned into sheer panic. Faces all around her, staring, looks of sympathy and pity flooded her mind. Her breathing grew rapid, until she feared she might hypervenitlate. She walked faster trying to escape the stares. The didn't stop so she ran. She ran until she reach the girls washroom. She ran in and leaned over the sink. A lump the size of an orange gew in her throat, all of the emotions she'd been stuffing down for weeks were resurfacing. She hated the way she was feeling. It reminded her of that night. She felt like her world was spinning out of control. She couldn't stop it. She tried to calm herself down, it wasn't working. She fell to the floor and fumbled around in her purse. Her mind went fuzzy she had no clue what she was doing. She pulled out a swiss army knife and dragged it across her left wrist. She clenched her teeth as the blood streamed down her wrist and onto the floor. What the hell am I doing?? But she couldn't stop she needed to feel numb, anything was better than the way she felt now. She cut her right wrist, deeper this time. She couldn't believe what she was doing. She looked at the pool of her blood she was now sitting in and the stream flowing from her wrists onto her legs. Then everything went black.**

* * *

Harry Wilson was walking through the hallways, he noticed Kelly walking towards her office. She had told him of Jackie's passing and how she had greived by herself beforehand so she could be there for Silver whenever. He thought she was incredibly strong. "Kelly." He walked over to her. "How's Silver?"

"Good. Great actually." She shook her head in disbelief. "She took this extrememly well. She greived and now she's moving on. It's incredible."

"That's excellent, Kelly."

She noded smiling. "I'm really proud of her."

"I can't believe all the progress she's made since--"

A blood-curdling scream cut him off. He and Kelly exchanged terrified looks and hurried toward the crowd of people forming around the girls washroom. Harry stood outside trying to dissipate the crowd. Kelly opened the door, and couldn't believe her eyes. She saw Naomi and Adrianna kneeling over Silver's body, the three of them covered in blood. She stood there frozen, then noticed the deep gashes on her sister's wrists. Naomi and Adrianna, both girls in tears, lifted Silver off the ground. Kelly turned to Harry, "Call 911!!" She ran into the bathroom and grabbed Silver's bag including the swiss army knife. She shook her head and escorted Naomi and Adrianna to the door, once outside, Ryan Matthews traded off with the girls, holding Silver in his arms. Kelly led the way to the front doors, clearing a path for Mr. Matthews. Naomi and Adrianna followed closely behind, holding onto one another. An ambulance pulled up infront of the school. Ryan placed Silver on the gurney with the help of the paramedics and they lifted her into the back. Kelly climbed in after her and motioned for Naomi and Adrianna to get in as well. The girls climbed in. Kelly turned to say something to Ryan, but he said, "I'll meet you guys there."

* * *

Kelly paced around the waiting room, biting her nails. The doctors had been working on Silver for an hour and a half. Naomi and Adrianna continued to hold onto one another. Harry and Debbie ran through the ER doors followed by Mr. Matthews. The three of them walked over to Kelly.

"Kel, I thought you said Silver was good.." Harry said solemnly.

"I thought she was." She said almost whispering. "I mean sh-she went through the five stages of greif and she's been so...happy." She sat down and put her head in her hands. "How did I not see ..?"

Debbie sat down next to her. "Kelly, she's a teenager and if there's one thing I've learned in raising two its that they are excellent at hiding their emotions." She put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up over this."

"Kelly Taylor?"

Kelly jumped up at her name and saw a nurse standing in front of her. "Y-yes, I'm Kelly!"

"Are you here for Erin Silver?"

"Yes, yes I am. I'm her sister. Can I see her? Is she alright?!"

"I'm sorry the doctors are still working on her. Has there been any recent trauma or stress in the family, or at school maybe?"

Kelly nodded. "Uhm, o-our mother just..passed away a few weeks ago. She was living with her, taking care of her.."

The nurse wrote something down on a pad of paper. "And she has," she referred to the chart, "Bipolar disorder?"

"Yes, yes she does."

"Thank you." She turned and walked back to the ER.

Kelly closed her eyes tight for a moment then walked over and sat on the table infront of Naomi and Adrianna. "How are you two holding up?"

Naomi looked up, looking innocent and scared. "F-fine I guess. I just..." She shook her head. "I can't believe it, it was so surreal."

"She just seemed to be doing so well." Adrianna said. "Like, she was..fine!"

Kelly sighed. "That's what I thought..."

A doctor hurried out of the ER, "Ms. Taylor!" Kelly turned and stood up. "Your sister is awake, but she's refusing an IV, she lost way to much blood. She's asking for you."

Kelly stood frozen for a second then followed the doctor to Silver's hospital room. When she got there she saw the heart monitor she was hooked up to in a frenzy. She looked at her sister and saw her in hysterics moving her arms so the nurse wouldn't be able to give her the needle.

"No! Please no!!" Silver sobbed. "Noo! Kelly!!!"

Kelly immediately rushed to her side. "Hey, hey. You're okay! I'm here. Okay?" She brushed the hair out of Silver's face and held her hand. She glanced down and saw her bandaged wrists. "Okay, you need to hold still alright? I'm right here. Just look at me." Kelly blinked back tears as she watched a look of terror and confusion in Silver's eyes. It was then Kelly knew that what she had done was beyond her control. She was slipping again. Silver clenched her teeth and whimpered as the nurse administered her IV. She squeezed Kelly's hand and shut her eyes. Kelly, stroked Silver's hair, staring into her mascara smeared and bloodshot eyes. Silver's eyes became heavy as she drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Kelly looked towards the nurse. "Excuse me?" she looked at Silver. "Did they just sedate her?"

The nurse said, "Erin lost a lot of blood, so along with the blood transfusion we sedate her so she can relax and produce her own blood as well."

Kelly nodded understanding, "Thank you," she said, never once taking her eyes off of Silver.

* * *

Kelly watched as Silver slept. She hated herself for not seeing she was lying the entire time. She held her hand and looked at her bandaged wrists. She closed her eyes trying to erase the sight of her baby sister passed out in a pool of her blood. She looked at her sleeping face; so peaceful and innocent, just like when she was little. She thought of the weeks to come. More therapy, more mood journals, 24/7 supervision, all of which Silver hated. Kelly jumped a little when Silver stirred. "K-Kelly?" She was very groggy and her voice sounded raspy. Kelly pulled her chair closer to her bed.

"Hey, I'm here!" she said softly.

Silver was fighting the sedative, she could barely open her eyes, let alone speak. She spoke in a whisper that was barely audible. "I...I'm sorry.."

Kelly fought back tears and squeezed Silver's hand gently. "I know you are," she said softly. "We're gonna get you help okay? You're gonna be fine."

Silver kept her eyes shut, her mind went fuzzy again. "Is mom coming?" she asked innocently. Kelly immediately pictured Silver as a little girl, scared and unsure of her surroundings. Kelly sighed and shook her head, even though Silver couldn't see her. "No, sweetie, I'm sorry.." Instantly Silver remembered. _She's dead. _Her eyes opened slowly and she nodded, "Oh." Was all she could get out. Kelly looked at her sister sadly and rested a hand on her shoulder.

Silver bit the inside of her cheek, it was all she could do to keep from crying. She felt she didn't have the right; not after what she had done. Kelly noticed the fighting in Silver's eyes, so she pulled her into a tight hug and rubbed her back. Immediately Silver began to cry, silently at first, then she bagan sobbing. She had been lying to Kelly, her friends, and to herself, for the past month. She wasn't okay; and she knew that. Kelly climbed into Silver's bed and held her sister close and didn't let her go. Silver rested her head on Kelly's chest and curled up close to her. She felt so safe in her arms.

* * *

Kelly pulled into the hospital parking lot. She had been there everyday since Silver's incident and finally they were allowing her to come home, after very close monitoring. She had sent Sammy to visit Dylan, so she could get Silver settled back in at home. When Kelly walked in, Silver's face lit up. She couldn't wait to go home. She smiled a little. "Hey!"

Kelly sat on the bed and put her hand on Silver's knee, "How're you doing?"

"I just want to go home,"she said.

Kelly smiled slightly and took a breath. "Okay," She patted her knee and stood up. "I'm gonna go sign the discharge papers."

Silver hopped out of bed and got changed. Kelly walked to the nurses station and started filling out the discharge papers for Silver. The therapist had been in earlier and told Silver about the strict regiment she would be on for the next four months and the bi-weekly therapy sessions. Silver wasn't looking forward to it at all, but anything was better than being stuck in a hospital bed. She took her bag out of the closet and began putting her things in it. She reached into one of the pockets to slide her toothbrush in when she felt something sharp. She pulled her finger out quickly and saw that it was bleeding a little. She reached back into the pocket and pulled out the swiss army knife. She just stared at it. _How could I have been so stupid? _she thought. Kelly walked back in the room and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what Silver was holding.

"S-Silver?" she stuttered.

Silver jumped at Kelly's voice she followed her stare towards the knife. She dropped it. "S-sorry. It was in my bag." Kelly sighed; she had forgotten to get rid of it after it had all happened. She picked it up off the floor and tossed it in the trashcan.

"You ready to go?"

Silver nodded and walked towards the door. Kelly held her arm and walked with her. As the rounded the corner Silver heard a young boy in one of the rooms say, "I fell down at school." _School. _She was terrified to go back. But it's not like she could get back into St. Clair's, not that she would ever consider going back there. Kelly led her to the car and opened the door for her. Silver climbed in and stared straight ahead. Kelly got in the driver's side and started the car. She turned her head slightly to look at Silver and noticed a panicked look in her face. "Hey.. You okay?"

"Yeah..yeah I'm..I'm just..." she sighed, _No more lying_. "Do I have to go back to school right away?"

Kelly looked at her, "Of course not. Why?"

"Well, I got to try to live down the whole 'crazy girl' reputation...again." Silver immediately thought of the sex tape she had made the year before. She shook her head trying to get rid of the thoughts of people taunting her with the video.

Kelly looked at her sadly. "You are not crazy and you know it. You're bipolar, which means you're-"

Silver cut her off. "Crazy."

"No, that's not what I was going to say." She took Silver's hand. "You can't control how you feel. It's not your fault that you couldn't cope with the situation, but now it's time to focus on getting better and moving on."

She sat in silence for a bit, then said quietly. "Can we nix the mood journals?"

Kelly smiled at her. "Nice try."

"Wasn't it?" she half smiled. As much as she hated doing the mood journals, in retrospect she realized they sort of helped her the last time. Kelly put the car in gear and drove home. Silver stared out the window, she knew the next few weeks would be tough but she was ready to make some serious progress.

* * *


End file.
